That Weird Feeling

Do you ever have that weird feeling when you're facing a dangerous situation that you know no matter what injury you may sustain, you're weirdly confident that you'll be able to survive. And for that, you find that sudden strength to face that situation cause you know at the very worst, you will be in the hospital but you will still be alright.

Well, I have been in that situation several times. Most of it involving car accidents with me seeing bright white lights but that's mostly because the other car was heading towards me and the light was freaking blinding. But each and every time, I find that certain calmness, that little whisper that says, "nah, i'll be alright". I know some may call it foolish confidence but it's just the way I feel.

However, with that said, do you ever have that feeling that you have a certain idea how you are going to go and when you are going to go? I know it's supposed to be a surprise and all. I am sure that in many ways, we have been told that it's supposed to be a little black box within a realm of certainty. One of those we know we're going to die but the mystery remains in the how. For me, however, I have always have that inkling of a feeling that I will go in my thirties or forties. It will be funny though that if I do end up living up to my eighties. Reading back this post will definitely bring back lots of laughters on how foolish I was to think I could even predict when I am supposed to go.

For now, though, I have that weird feeling that I will go when I am in my thirties or forties. And probably from a disease. From a disease that I probably exposed myself to over the years of being reckless and careless. More on that in future posts but for now, let's just say that I have a weird feeling.

Life Unexpected

Something has been on my mind these past few months. I know I am only 24 and I should not have to worry about dying but truth is, I understand that death can creep up upon you at any time of any day. And it hurts me so knowing that I would not get to say my last few words to people I care about. It hurts me so knowing that the last few words they'll ever hear me say will be "I will be back in five minutes" but unknowingly, the last few words they heard me say was a lie.

So, although blogging has gone out of fashion, I decided to blog anonymously instead and pray that one day when I am gone, they will stumble upon this blog and read my thoughts. So hopefully I will be able to update this blog for as long as I can, but if I do stop updating it, owh well, something must have happened.

I guess I am little bit paranoid but I live life knowing I will die at any time and any place and therefore, I live my life appreciating every moment and ensuring that the people I care about would remember my smiles and everything that is nice about me.

Man, it sure feels good being able to put this out there. Now I can stop worrying about leaving my last few words and worrying more about updating my last few words. Fingers crossed.